As We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us

After 10 years of friendship I was betrayed, misunderstood and cut off. I was eliminated from my former friend’s life overnight. Although it occurred almost 1 year ago I still do not understand what happened at all.
Then a family member became hostile and aggressive.
Then a co-worker practically destroyed our program that was designed to help others.
All this happened at the same time. I was devastated. I am hurt. I didn’t initiate any of these situations but I was feeling their effect.
But when I pray this phrase - as we forgive those who trespass against us- I’m asking Jesus to forgive my own sins in proportion to the way I forgive others. I’m having trouble with this. I KNOW I’ve sinned and need forgiveness and God doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve treated him. It breaks my heart to think I’ve treated Him poorly after all He has done for me. No friend deserves to be treated that way, but Jesus deserves much more.
But my former friend treated me poorly. My family member did worse that that. The co-worker’s actions made my daily job miserable for 10 months and it’s still difficult. All this happened at the same time. Surely Jesus doesn’t expect me to forgive them while I’m in such pain…and when they were intentionally hurtful…but so was I. I was intentionally self-willed when I sinned. Sin is a deliberate choice, by definition. That’s what I do when I’m demanding, angry or impatient. God will forgive me when I forgive them.
WOW. You strike a hard bargain Jesus. Sometimes you have to pretend you feel something and act that way until you feel it. And sometimes you have to pray for the forgiveness of others and believe it happened though you may not yet feel it. It has been said that your emotions eventually catch up with your actions. So today, my Lord, I forgive my angry friend because you asked me to. For the same reason I forgive (with the help of your grace) my family member and co-worker. That doesn’t mean I can be in their presence tomorrow as though all is well. I’m just doing what you asked me to do and hoping you’ll allow my heart to catch up soon. I do want to follow your will! I know I’m feeding into the devil’s plan if I don’t forgive and I don’t ever want to be the cause of that. I’ll accept whatever graces you give me in this regard Jesus! Forgive my sins to the degree that my forgiveness of others is sincere.