Which One Are You?

The Last Supper, like the celebration of Mass, was meant for all the apostles, including Judas.

The Transfiguration was only experienced by Peter, James and John. 

But only John stood at the foot of the Cross . 

Am I the Sunday Mass Catholic?
Am I the Catholic who shares in the spiritually high experiences with Jesus? with others in my life ?
Or am I the enduring, faithful one who accompanies Jesus (and others in my life) thru the most difficult of times, standing there faithfully until the very last moment?

AFTER I DIED....

I can only imagine what my eyes will see when You stand before me.
Will I dance? Stand? Shout Alleluia? Be still? Fall to my knees? Be silent?
                               From the song by Mercy Me

On the day my life ends and I face you God for my final judgment I imagine I’d just be frozen silent and in awe. My insides would eventually react and I’d want to run up to you and hug you never letting go. I’d be crying tears of joy and relief. After years of waiting and wanting to be HOME with the One who made me and knows me, there I am. I’m in the arms of my God who loves me unconditionally. But confusion might fill me up again. I don’t deserve to hug you and be so close to you. I’m a sinner and I have been for all the years you put me on the earth.

Like Adam and Eve after the apple event I’d want to run and hide so I could somehow avoid facing You. But I can’t do that. “Where would I go to run from your presence?”(Ps. 119) And so the final Judgment begins. Like sneaking food while you’re on a diet, cheating on a test in school, being caught in a lie…the guilty feelings begin but they’re a lot worse. My life, full of sins and weaknesses, parades before me like a never ending very bad film. At one point Jesus grabs my hand to calm my growing anxiety. In my mind, it’s now official. I’ve failed to meet my own life’s goals- never mind God’s! Each sin was surrounded with different opportunities and graces that I’d never noticed because I was SO focused on what I wanted at the time. It was about meeting my own needs and creating new wants. Worse yet, it was my own report card. I wrote it all myself. Filled with regret, sadness and guilt I hang my head. I don’t bother trying to explain, justify or rationalize my actions as I would have on earth. God is holding my hand! I feel like pulling away but at the same time I really just can’t. This is God! All my life I’ve waited for this moment. The Beatific Vision. I finally have seen His face, experienced what it’s like to be in his presence and to feel complete. Life on earth was all about searching, seeking, struggling. Now I am full, sated and calm.

God reaches over and takes my other hand as we face each other eye to eye. Is this really happening? Am I going to wake up any second now? God is holding my hands and looking into my eyes. Now I realize I am fully known. It feels like there is no one else around and there never was. For God it was all about me. For some reason I have the audacity to speak (even as I say to myself “still you don’t get it. Just shut up. Nothing you say could be as important as listening to God’s words at this very moment.”) It feels like if I don’t speak what’s in my heart now I will miss my final opportunity to be honest. “Even the stones will shout”.

“Excuse me Lord” I say in a shaky voice.

“Call me Abba” God says, smiling.

“Abba, I shouldn’t even be speaking right now. You know who I was and I surely know what that looks like in comparison to your life on earth. You sent me graces and friends.  I had my prayer time with you and the sacraments to help me. Still I chose myself over you.  I wanted my own needs and wishes met first. I asked you for help and you sent it. I asked for wisdom, insight and your Holy Spirit. You gave me all of that.”  Then, crying, I looked into God’s eyes and said, “Abba, I’m not ready. I don’t deserve to spend eternity here in Your Presence yet. I really want to get cleaned up more first. It’s like going into a wedding party as a bride’s maid – but wearing jeans!  Can you let me go somewhere to get myself washed up? What I’ve done with this soul you gave me is not what you deserve. "
"
A tear fell from my Abba’s eyes as he said, “I’ve not taken back the gift of your free will. It’s still yours. Are you sure this is what you want?.” “Yes, yes, yes,” I replied. “ I couldn’t feel good about spending time with you forever until I did everything I could to make amends for my selfishness and failures. Will you allow me to do that first?”  It was what I needed but not really what I wanted. I knew what I was asking. After being with God I was asking to be separated from him again.

“Many others have come to me with the same request. And when they do enter heaven after their period of cleansing they enjoy it so much more. I will let you go then into the desert of separation until you are ready to rejoin Me here.  Know that I’ll be waiting and always looking forward to the day we are re-united as we were always meant to be.  You were made to be with me. You’ll be complete when we are finally together forever and I want that day to come so much more than even you do. I’ve been waiting for you for many years. But if this is your request, I will continue to wait for you. During our time apart remember always that I am waiting for you. ”

After a very long hug, Abba slipped away from me and I was completely alone.

Pain Hurts

keep begging

St. Paul said, "If you love those who love you what good is there in that?" 
Thomas Merton said, " If you always do what you like to do there is no merit in that."

So if life is simple and smooth and Jesus and I talk together every day I'm happy.  I feel peaceful.  It is nice to be on a honeymoon but that's not real life.  We're supposed to look at problems as opportunities.  God is always with us so we're never alone in our pain.  Thomas Merton says our surface self may be troubled but the Holy Spirit brings peace deep into the soul. 

That may be true but pain hurts.  It doesn't matter if its temporary or circumstantial or even if we're only feeling it because someone we love is the one in pain.  Pain hurts.  It upsets my physical being and makes me lose my focus.  Sometimes it's powerful enough to knock me down.  I feel empty.  I'm not talking about an interruption or a relatively minor problem.  Those are like being jostled.   Pain is being knocked completely off course.  Suffering is a better word because it seems to describe the slowness of an on-going process.  And it hurts.  

The truest saying of all is that time heals.  It may take three days, three weeks or three years.  It certainly takes three Persons in One.  Only after our pain begins to subside do the clouds move out of our vision.  When that happens we can see more clearly again and we notice who, what and where we went to seek comfort in our pain.  But it takes some time and my job is to be patient and calm (isn't that what peace is?) while I wait for the suffering to ease and the healing to begin. 

The process can't be rushed - it would only have to begin again.  I've tried that.  Suffering also will not be ignored.  It returns at every quiet moment and with certain memory triggers.  so if you can't rush it or ignore it what else can you do?  You could always cover it over with "comfort" food, drugs or alcohol, shopping, working, or going on a vacation.  But when that cover is finally removed the suffering is still there. 

I have to learn to sit with my pain.  To let it just be.  To look at it carefully and understand it.  Take it apart and look at all the pieces...gently.    Yuck.  But for me there is no way around it  That's why I'm writing this instead of stoically ignoring the pain or shopping or going to work earlier and ignoring my prayer time.  I'm admitting my pain and letting it out.  It's a new approach for me.  I even asked Jesus for help.  I began to do that about two years ago- finally.   It doesn't go away any faster but it feels more honest. 

Jesus, I'm not your perfect child.  Can't seem to do much on my own but that's OK.  I could do a lot worse than being dependent on You.  What am I trying to hide?  You know me thru and thru.  When you were on earth you sometimes spoke to Your Father all night long.  That wasn't all about getting instructions for the next day.  I'll bet you talked about us a lot to your Abba and I'll bet you needed - because You were fully human- to let go of some of your pain and frustration.  I'd love to have overheard some of those prayers!  Altho I can't listen in, I can certainly mimic your behavior.  Help me please and accept my suffering as a gift to You for the accomplishment of Your holy will. 
Thank you. 

And God smiled.

(R. Hook)

And God smiled.


There I sat pouring out my heart, anxious about some event to happen in the course of that day…. I missed it because I was so preoccupied with getting rid of the burden.

And God smiled.

Wondering whether my life had turned out the way you expected it to Lord. Did I give as much as I could? Did I represent you well to others? Was I a good example…so many questions.

And God smiled.

I read the Lives of the Saints. For months and months and months I tried to mimic their behaviors. Failing miserably almost every single day. Reproaching myself for not being able to do for one hour what they did for a lifetime.

And God smiled.

I tried to energize my prayer by listening to hymns and songs. I tried to draw. It looked like a 4 year old’s work! A stick figure of myself kneeling at the foot of your Cross with hands outstretched to receive any grace you might share with me.

And God smiled.

I never let a second of time go by without working my hardest to make that second a gift worthy to give to the Lord. People called me crazy and intense saying I had no common sense. But my exhaustion and my emptiness at the end of the day became my encouragement to keep going.

And God smiled.

I went on retreats. I gave retreats. I had a spiritual director. I became a spiritual director. I read every religious book I could get my hands on. I started a blog on spirituality.

And God smiled.

Every day God smiled at me. He smiled whether I was intense or exhausted. He smiled when I was singing off key and drawing stick figures. God smiled no matter what I did. It is the smile of parents staring at their newborn child. It was the warm smile of a mom holding a card hand made by her 5 year old. It’s the proud smile of a dad who watches his son on the town Little League team.

It’s the same smile God the Father had when Jesus was born in the manger and when John baptized him in the Jordan as the Father peaked thru the clouds to announce Him.

That smile doesn’t stop me from doing all those crazy things, rather it encourages me. Jesus loves me! It makes me wild with enthusiasm. I want to give him gifts, make him things. I want to do “something beautiful for God.” I want to face him at the end of my life with empty hands and be able to say ‘I used up everything you gave me’. So I’ll keep being excited and making every second of the day a gift. You can call me intense or any other descriptive work you like but this is between Jesus and me.

And I believe he’s smiling.

Going the Easy Way or the Hard Way

  

andy dean photography

Jesus begs us to come to him and our own needs take us to him. 

                                                                 M. Scott Peck

Jesus, you left your Holy Word, your sacraments, your Rock the Church and your vey self in the Eucharist for us. And you wait. You are present in each and all of those things just as you are present in my daily life and the persons and situations in it. Every moment of every day is filled with opportunities to meet you. And every second of the day I make a choice to go about my way or to look for you. If I just remove my self-centered glasses I’ll see the opportunity more clearly. I’ll see you more clearly. But if I keep those glasses on I’ll have to learn the hard way.

Obstacles mount, unclear vision, evil…so many things get in the way. When I fall and become weak under the pressure of it all my needs will drive me to you. Where else is there to go?

Why don’t I just take the easier route to where you are already waiting for me?

Gratitude and My Nothingness

Reflections on thoughts from Thomas Merton and The Shack

Self-loathing and lack of self-confidence are not from God. DaVinci knew he created a great work of art when he finished the Mona Lisa. God knew the same think about me the very moment I was conceived. For me to feel under whelmed by God’s design only speaks about my own ignorance. For me to wish I was something or someone else is a rejection of God’s wisdom and love. These feelings and wishes of mine can only lead to despair. They can’t fix anything and they exist without hope because I cannot become anyone else. I can only be me. To really turn this around (metanoia) and to put the devil back in his place (who else would these thoughts be coming from?) I need to value or at least appreciate my weaknesses. Jesus himself didn’t please everyone when he walked on this very same earth! What makes me think everyone is going to like me?

It feels like I keep making mistakes. Am I ever going to stop committing the same sins? It seems I wake up each morning with the intention that this is the day I’m going to make God proud of me. Today I’ll be Christ-like, i.e. patient, kind and gentle. But I only increase my self-accusations and sense of failure if I live my self-imposed rules. It also fuels my need for control. What a mess I’ve created. If God created me uniquely and considers His creation to be special and precious then I can’t increase my value. I can‘t be any more worthwhile than I am. Setting goals like that becomes a useless activity. It brings me to a sense of defeat when I can’t keep them and (duh!) I can’t make God any more proud of me than He was when he created me. He’s not proud of me because of what I’ve done, He’s proud of me for who I am. “Rules only have the power to accuse.” (The Shack p. 201) “And to the degree that you resort to expectations and responsibilities, to that degree you neither know nor trust me.” (The Shack p. 208)          Heavy.

“You are wonderful beyond imagination- the pinnacle of my creation and the Center of my affections.” (The Shack p. 192)

My good deeds are more likely to be accomplished and are of much more value if I do them because God deserves them. They are my gifts to Him out of love and gratitude. They show Him I’m trying to look more like my Father by imitating Him. The focus is then on Him and not on me. My lived-out gratitude to God for his indescribably delicious unconditional love becomes my actual life.

We Begin This New Year

by Sister Joyce Rupp


We begin this new yaer with amazement at the presence of the Holy One.

We begin this new year with gratitude for life.

We begin this new year with hope that all shall be well.

We begin this new year with courage to meet what will be difficult.

We begin this new year with eyes ever alert for beauty.

We begin this new year with openness to greater truth.

We begin this new year with desire for continued transformation.

We begin this new year with compassion for the hurting ones in the cosmos.

We begin this new year with a sense of kinship with all whom we love.

We begin this new year with respect as others mentor and deepen our vision.

We begin this new year with determination to use out time well.

We begin this new year with willingness to help those who will need our care.

We begin this new year with longing for greater inner freedom.

We begin this new year with happiness, that we are invited to live life fully.

We being this new year with love for Holy One, our Intimate Companion.

The Manger- from Our Father's Eyes

Jesus, memories of your birth are accompanied by predictions of your death. Life and death. Good and bad. Joy and struggle. I get distracted by thoughts of death/bad/struggles; sometimes focused on them. Some other times trying to ignore them. That’s one of the life lessons I’ve learned. Somehow we have to learn to experience and accept them both. But it doesn’t seem to be the instinctive way- at least not for me. I want the good times to last and I don’t want my balloons burst so to speak. I want to go to baptisms, not funerals. I want to be a saint (small s) and not a sinner. But I am BOTH. Sadness is followed by joy. Life is followed by death. Darkness is followed by LIGHT.


So this Christmas is different. Life is not all about blinking lights, jolly men giving away free gifts or even babies in mangers. The full picture includes the denials, the scourging and the wood of the cross. Joy- but tempered with wisdom and not only fantasy minded. Enjoy the decorations completely but somewhere in my mind must be the acceptance that they are only up for a season. The Chu8rch calendar makes it seem that one can focus on the manger scene and ignore the 6’ cross hanging above the main altar. I can’t do that this year. My brain’s efforts at compartmentalizing must give way to emotional flexibility. Dare I say vulnerability?? Reality vs. fantasy. Joy tempered by wisdom. Youth melting into maturity but with equal parts of both. Then I can appreciate the manger scene as God the Father must have. They myrrh wasn’t just a nice birthday present. It was at the burial as well. The mother didn’t just kneel at the foot of the manger. The manger wasn’t the only creation made from the tree.

To appreciate Christmas fully and really say THANK YOU for this indescribable gift I have to read the whole Gospel and look at the scent from God the Father’s eyes.

a christmas poem

I Feel Chosen and Special


A dumb animal they call me.

They mock and use my name as a curse.

But I was the one grazing in the field that day when Joseph came.

He traded a carpentry tool for me and we began our long journey.

They were very kind to me on that trip to Bethlehem.

I didn't realize who the child in Mary's womb was.

But I felt chosen and so very special.

Three walls and a simple roof were all I had to offer.

No heat, no light, not even a door to protect them from the cold

But they seemed to be glad to find me and to rest here.

And I felt chosen and so very special.



All I really am is a container for food.

My name means "to eat".

Cows, horses, lambs - their mouths push into my center while they eat.

I wasn't clean. And I'm not very sturdy.

I had never carried so precious a bundle!

People were calling the baby boy an Infant King.

And I was his first throne: a manger.

I felt chosen and so very special.



None of them felt as unworthy as I.

I am the hay -course, cold and damp.

I am only good for animals to eat.

I was not the soft pillow or bed that a baby should have.

This infant has a rough beginning.

I wish I was softer, more supple and I smelled sweeter.

But I was the closest to his skin.

I felt chosen and so very special

He could have chosen a smarter, more faithful person.

He could have chosen a wiser, calmer,

more loving soul than mine.

But I am the one he calls the apple of his eye.

I am the one he holds in the palm of his hand.

I am the reason that his last throne was a crucifix

.I feel chosen and so very special

In Heaven I want to See-

When I die I don't want to be greeted by a stranger and spend eternity with that person. Then - of ALL times- I want to be met by Someone I know and know well. I want to feel welcomed and be hugged tightly. And when we walk and talk together I don't want to feel scared and out of place as happens many times on earth when you go to a new place with lots of people. It needs to feel more like Home, more like a returning that a first visit. I want to feel like I fit in, like "Finally! I belong!" I hope it feels like its perfectly natural to be there with whoever is around me. Like returning Home after a very, very long journey with lots of strangers in a different country. I want to be able to completely relax, be at peace and be known fully but still loved, appreciated and enjoyed. I want to have a Go To person as my friend; One who'll show me around and answer all my questions (I've had so many for so long). I would be great if it was a place where I can look forward to being, like every day is a count down to That Day. It's The Day when the veil will be lifted from my eyes and I will see clearly what I could never really see on earth.

And most of all I want to see the Face of the Person who loves me unconditionally. The Person who has always loved me despite my flounderings. I want to see that Person who loves me. I want to see that Person. I want to see.

God Loves Plutos

Just thoughts I've read recently

I am God's patient- not yet cured. C.S. Lewis

Trees bend low with ripened fruit;
Clouds hang down with gentle rain;
Noble men bow graciously
This is the way of generous things. Bhartrihari

We become what we meditate on. Easwaran

Grace is a bursting presence of love at a time when we have the right only to expect condemnation or emptiness or aloneness. It is an unearned, unexpected present. M.Scott Peck

Just keep rattling your begging bowl. Sit like a begger when you go in God's presence tomorrow until he fills it. Refuse to take no or later for an answer. de Mello


Ever felt Plutoed? One day you're in and the next day you're out. God loves all of us Plutos because He chooses to. Not because you or i are big or important. You don't need to win God's love. You have it already. And since you can't win it you can't lose it. Max Lucado

Jesus is my PROTECTOR

Thank you my Jesus! My Savior and Protector! I revel in the title of Protector, Jesus. It brings me great peace. You’ve protected me from both myself and others. A person needs protection when they are vulnerable to someone or thing. When they don’t see manipulation by others to meet their own self serving needs. I was absorbed by the other person – not free, certainly not self-defensive. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t even see clearly or understand what was happening. The person who should have protected me did the opposite. Without understanding it all and without protection I was deeply hurt and in constant pain. I was meandering about, lost and very vulnerable. But you, Jesus, rescued me! When I couldn’t see things for myself you brought LIGHT to the situation. When I lost my way you became my compass and pointed me toward the right direction. I didn’t even know it was happening. You remained hidden. I was thinking you were distant but my pain clouded both my eyes and ears. You worked thru it all and found my hand, leading me thru the woods into the sunlight on the other side. I haven’t reached there yet but I almost don’t want to. The intimacy of our relationship now is special. I need you. I’m vulnerable, lost and almost blind but I have you. I feel very safe because I KNOW – there is not a single doubt- that you are in this very spot with me. So I move forward one step at a time with something that feels like tremendous courage on my part. In truth I know it’s the strength passing from your hand into mine that’s leading me forward. Thru osmosis your grace gives me confidence. I am SO loved! I am special to the Lord God of the Universe. The King calls me his child. The Savior rescued me – again. I have been here before so I recognize his handiwork. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. All I did was get lost – so lost I didn’t even know night from day. But in my pain I called out for help because I thought I was alone. A year later I see I was not. I am not. You are a beautiful sight my Jesus! A beautiful, beautiful and welcome sight. Your face brings me joy- such a precious experience. I love you.

Why you are Valuable

I've been thinking and praying a lot about the concept of having a healthy self image. Was reading a book called Your Life Is Your Message by Easwaran, an Eastern Spirituality type. From it I conjured up the following thoughts.

God is the resident of your deepest consciousness who is waiting to be discovered, calling out to be touched and used. God is Self because He gave Himself to you at your Baptism and countless times after that. God is your heart's home. Even is we've made mistakes God/Self doesn't relocate. Even if we doubt His existence there, God doesn't leave us. He always lives in the deepest part of our consciousness wanting to be touched and used. God/Self is not less in one believer that He is in another. A simple spark of God is enough to fill the world with Light.
God lives in your deepest consciousness begging to be freed by your actions. Your faith in that message is what begins His release. The Savior of the world, who opened the gates of heaven for us all by dying on the Cross is He who has taken up residence in your heart's home- your soul. It is His presence in your very being that makes you precious. It isn't anything you've done or not done, earned or not earned. It is God's generous and selfless gift to you. It's not about you. It's about God in you. He chose you as His Home.
Believe this and live confidently and freely WITH Him.

Me and the Guys (Apostles)

Jesus, you were so great with the Apostles. I’m sure you knew what they were like when you chose each of them. Was it despite that or because of that you said, “Come, follow Me”?
Hey Lord, can we sit on your right hand and on your left?
Jesus, let’s build a big Temple here. Isn’t that a great idea?
Of course, we’ll watch and pray with you, Lord. I might just close my eyes for a minute tho...

So Jesus you actually chose these specific guys to pass on your job after you died. That’s really surprising. But even more surprising is that they did. I’m writing 2010 years after that fact and we’re still talking about them and you. So the fumbling apostles got it together with your grace and the Holy Spirit. They managed to tell the whole world about you and to establish the Roman Catholic Church.

God’s will will be accomplished.

That’s good, because I could sure use some help! I’m like a Van Gogh that’s been damaged. I’m a great design because of You. But I need restoration to get back to the original version. So I place myself in your hands Great Artist Lord! O Great Designer, adjust my emotional colors please. I trust you. Take out whatever tools you need and do what you have to do. I know I have nothing to fear. I only want your will to be done in me and through me.

Can Prayer Be That Simple?

Dear God,
When I’m with other people I don’t fill every moment with prescribed conversation. I may think of some few points I want to discuss with them and the rest of our time together flows as it may. We may go somewhere together , eat together or be silent together. Prayer time can be like that too. The longer I know you the fewer words that are needed to be said.

There’s no pressure to produce gifts for you, no need to review our past, no need to schedule every moment. I don’t do that with my real life friends. We do discuss our daily lives, problems and relationships and I hear their advice and input. I listen. We enjoy being in each others presence and when that time is over we hug and schedule a next visit. Where will we meet? What time?

At that time approaches I become happy as I anticipate our visit- the expectation of our time together, my friend’s actual arrival. And so the relationship evolves. We just enjoy being together because we have the same interests and values.

That’s what our prayer life together is- just that simple. Thank you Lord for the gift of time with you.

change involves risk

As an infant we crawled and something inside challenged us to stand and to walk. A risk for sure but one which benefited us as we literally stepped into the unknown. No one guaranteed there’d be no falls. And those falls hurt- stunned us. Yet, in our innocence we took the risk again and again until the unknown became the familiar. The change brought us into a new vision of the world which we enjoyed.

Now, many years later Jesus challenges us to spiritual growth. But years of falling and getting hurt remind us of the pain involved with change. We don’t hear Jesus’ instructions or we thing the message was made up in our own minds and so not to be trusted.

I’ve also noticed how much of a creature of habit I am. I repeat the same behaviors simply because they’ve become my pattern. Before time for thought even seems to go by I’ve repeated my usual action or response. Only afterwards does the regret come. Like St. Paul, “I do the very things I hate.”

Jesus please help me to change my behaviors before I do or say them. I don’t need or want to gossip or complain but I do. I don’t mean to be impatient, but I surely am. I don’t want to do the right things. I want to be the right person – the one you created me to be.

It says: "Be not Do perfect".

Which is easier? Doing things perfectly is much easier than being more like God than your human nature inclines you to be. It’s much easier to clean the house than to be a patient spouse. It’s easier to go to Mass every Sunday than to always tell the truth. It’s easier to help at the local food bank than to hold your anger and accept when things don’t go your way. Doing is much easier than being.

God is love. To be perfect we strive to be more like God and still be our very best self. God created the design he calls YOU so he does not want us to destroy that. He enjoys how we put our own twist on becoming God-like. So it’s not about denying our core selves, our very personalities. Let that flourish and grow because that IS God. What we must deny is the selfish sinful part of our humanity that wants its own way.

That does not necessitate that we concentrate on our sinfulness. Let it just whither away from lack of use, like an unexercised muscle. We need to BE. That is concentrating on the pure, the honest and the simple. 1Cor 13 describes it well: patient, kind and humble. It’s not about being jealous of another’s good fortune but about genuinely rejoicing for them with no envy or bitterness. To be loving (instead of just doing acts of love) you do not look to have your own needs met- perhaps the hardest of all the love definitions. A person who loves perfectly is infinitely calm, forgives and forgets and welcomes criticism. That person never gives up hope and trust in God and is, therefore, a joyful person who daily and faithfully perseveres.

Love is patient and kind. When my mind feels confused and I’m waiting for clarification from God I’m not very patient. I like my T’s crossed and my i’s dotted preferring not to live in ambiguity. It’s an uncomfortable place to be….out of a job, waiting for a diagnosis, in the midst of a conversion experience of some kind. That’s when I need to be patient and, while being patient, also be kind. Not easy for me! Impatience brings with it an unsettling sense of aggravation, not kindness.

Jesus suffered at the agony in the garden and found his best friends asleep during it all. I’d have said “Look, I asked you to watch and pray but you’re all sleeping! Go. I don’t need friends like this!” Jesus certainly wasn’t happy with them but he held his tongue and asked them once again to pray for him.

Love is not self seeking. I believe that humans are instinctively self-centered. I am. Our primary thoughts are about ourselves. Hungry, tired, thirsty, angry, sad. Those things seem to preoccupy our minds over thoughts about others. If I’m really tired I am usually insensitive to the apparent needs of others. I don’t seem to be able to find the energy or the desire to go outside of myself to focus on them. Yet that is exactly what God wants and what Jesus did while He was on earth. Indeed 1 Cor 13 says “if I give all I have to the poor but have not love, I gain nothing.” We do, give and act but that’s not the love St. Paul describes. That’s not being Jesus. It’s only mimicking his actions.

Christianity is not for the feint of heart. It is not easy to be like Jesus. It’s a lot easier to put on an act. Yet acting is only the first step toward heart transformation.

John the Baptist Application to Life

“Among you stands one you do not know.”
John 1: 26

Jesus had been living on earth for 30 years yet no one recognized him for who he was. Even after that statement, Jesus still had to present himself to the world through John by asking to be baptized. I’m struck first by the humility of our Lord and Savior. Jesus lived with his mom then conformed to the expected norm by being baptized by his cousin. Jesus didn’t even introduce himself. In his humility Jesus lowered himself into the water before John to be baptized. His Father, however, couldn’t contain himself and burst thru the clouds to say, “This is My Son!”

Life Application
Protect your family.

Follow appropriate societal and religious rules

Look for Jesus. He is standing right in front of you.

There is no need to announce your talents or good qualities to the world. Just use them.

If you heavenly Father (maybe thru another human being) chooses to applaud you just allow it neither stopping it, egging it on nor falsely denying it.


He spent 30 hidden years with his mother. She’s had more time with him than anyone on earth ever could and that’s my second observation. Surely I should cultivate my relationship with Mary! How much more could she tell me about his personality. They lived together for 10 times the number of years that Jesus spent on earth revealing himself to the entire world. She knew his daily schedule, his moods. She knew his favorite foods and his likes and dislikes. Mary lived with Jesus while he developed both his prayer life and his talents. Given that their world had no TV, iPods or cell phones Mary and her son must have genuinely communicated on a daily basis. Imagine being a fly on that wall!

Life Application
Family is important

Contemplate the intimacy of the relationship between Jesus and Mary

If Mary was so important to Jesus that he spent 30 of his 33 years of life on earth with her, then I should spend time with her also.

Search the Gospels, listen to others, read and pray so as to get to know Jesus as well as Mary does.

“I would not have known him, except that the One who sent me to baptize with water told me…that this is the Son of God.”
Jn 1:33

John the Baptist speaks the truth. On his own he would not have recognized Jesus Christ. Hundreds of people sought John daily to be baptized. He performed this mission daily, baptizing person after person.

Life Application
Whether its mission work or making widgets we wake up every day to do our job. After a while we develop routines and the monotony begins. But, John had his ear to the ground and kept his heart open to listen. Because of that he was able to receive the Father’s message. Be quiet in your soul and receptive every day.

John kept saying it wasn’t about him but about the “One whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.” It is not about me. I am only the Lord’s unworthy servant.

Announce the Lord when you meet him. Look for and greet Him in others. Boldly reveal Jesus to the world in your own unique way.

A broken heart...

A broken heart is a compassionate heart. Maybe my heart has turned stoney as a defense mechanism. God never asked me to be perfect tho. He never asked me to move mountains. He has asked me, by allowing my heart to be broken, to live simply and humbly- to be less complicated. Amazingly, this is a lot harder than it sounds.

Death Won't Get in MY Way!

Jesus, did you just sort of “wake up” lying in that tomb?

Your eyes flutter open but your face is covered. To move that covering, your hands have to reach up. But your fingers and your nose tell you other things cover your body. Instinctively you try to move your hand up toward your face to move the cloth. Now you smell the myrrh – a smell your life began with 33 years ago. Your hand moves the cloth and fragrances away from your eyes and mouth. As you do that your hand feels tightness to it and to open your palm fully requires a stretching motion. Finally you’ve cleared your face with the help of your second hand. That hand too required that you stretch your fingertips wide to relieve the tautness of the spread.

It’s dark inside the tomb so you don’t see the scars on your palms but as you begin to awaken you also begin to remember. You remember the smell of those same fragrances from your visit to Lazarus’ tomb. Your now outstretched hand brings the scene back. The darkness that covers you confirms the memory. I was dead.

As you lie there you try to collect your thoughts.

I was dead.

The nails went through these same hands. I remember the hammer coming toward my hands and feet. The memories are all rushing back now.

The spear went through my side, Jesus recalled. Instinctively he reached to touch it. A healed scar replaced the torn flesh. And as he tried to lift his head, a smile began to grow ever so slightly on one side of his mouth. I was dead.

No crown of thorns on his head now as Jesus tries to hoist his upper body into a seated position. Buds, plants and flowers all trickle and fall away and Jesus removes the cloth that had once covered his face and body.

Seated upright his eyes try to focus and he turns his head to see where they placed his once lifeless body. The tiny smile begins to broaden into a grin. “Oh Father!” He had been buried and placed in someone’s tomb. It was someone else’s tomb because Jesus never had one for himself. Did he think he’d never need one?

“Father” Only one word. After all the experiences of the past three days the only word Jesus could bring himself to speak was “Father”. In that word alone was the full realization of what happened. The union of the two in that one word was like a meteor hitting the earth. The Father, who had been watching his Son’s body return to life as closely as he watched him be scourged, crucified and die, spoke his son’s name. “Jesus!” The strength of their love for one another was spoken in those single words. It was as though a huge surprise party was about to take place and only they knew about it. Jesus’ heart began to pound. He was suddenly anxious to remove himself from the tomb entirely. (Did Lazarus feel like this?”) He place two scarred but strong feet on the ground and reached his head and arms to heaven. He couldn’t wait to meet his beloved Father. He wanted to hug him, give his Abba a big, hearty pat on the back and say, “We did it! It’s done!” Instinctively he knew that would have to wait.
He looked for the entrance to the place where he had lain. Feeling around the walls which surrounded him, Jesus came upon the big stone that stood in the way between him and The Revelation. He would not have it. He could not have a stone between himself and his disciples, his mother, redemption, his Father. No stone would do that. No simple earthly stone was going to stand in his way.
Facing the stone Jesus looked up to heaven and repeated the same word, “Father!” He places his two scarred hands on the boulder blocking Jesus’ entrance into new life and it moved, slowly at first, out of his way.

No stone.
No nails.
No devil.
No death.
Nothing could stop him.
Nothing did.

As the stone rolled away so did the night. The stone was gone, darkness and sin were gone, evil and death were gone. Day broke through and with it Light, Salvation and Redemption. It was a moment of celebration for Father and Son. The grin on Jesus’ face was replaced with a huge smile. The smile erupted into a hearty laugh. “We did it. It’s done!” Jesus tilts back his head and laughs into the sky. “Father, we’ve won! Heaven has come. The doors are open wide so all can join us! Yeah!”

Jesus catches his breath, his heart pounding with excitement. He looks around one last time before he begins the final phase of his journey. Not too far away he sees the image of three empty crosses. Although it was a sobering view, his gaze then turned to the empty tomb behind him. Empty. Cloth on the ground. Stone rolled away. Empty.

Jesus then begins to walk toward his future and ours.